3 Ring Binder

Is it just me, or do you also think about how when you get old, you can do amazing things?  And I'm talking really old, so I'd better lose some weight and get some sleep. For instance, I can see myself becoming a really cool old lady actress.  Movies must need really cool old ladies for something -- like portraying really old ladies -- and I can't imagine having a career in Hollywood and then wanting to see myself as wicked old on the big screen.  Since I've never been on the big screen . . . no problem. It's all gravy. Another thing I think I'll be really good at, and it's quite a valuable skill as well, is being able to decipher handwriting.  I just saw this meme and it reminded me of my living as Rosetta Stone desires. Or saying whateverthefuck I want.  I'm pretty damn close to that now, but still, there are some things that I just wouldn't say.  Someday, though, all bets will be off! You have been warned.   

I got this little app called My Talking Pet and I can't stop playing with it.  My daughters have told me in no uncertain terms to stop texting them movies of their beloved pets talking. That such a practice is disrespectful and gross.   I cordially disagree.  This here is comedy gold.*  *Especially if your family often quotes the Beatles-like vultures in the original Jungle Book movie. 

The election was almost seven months ago. The inauguration was over five months ago. While I herein have no beef with the system which allowed these events to occur, and acknowledge the sanctity of the process of a peaceable exchange of leadership in our country, I just can't use the word President before his name. It seems surreal. Like a bad joke. Like a betrayal of the office of President of the United States. While mine wouldn't be the first, last, or worst betrayal of the office, it is mine with which I wrestle.

Melissa Harris Perry wants us to know that our children belong to the whole community. When her MSNBC Lean Forward ad got some flack, Ms. Harris Perry went on to explain what she really meant . She wants you to know that your Tulane student belongs to her because she does her job of correcting their papers (for which she is paid handsomely, no doubt) and does not send the papers back to you to correct. Of course, she jests about this part, but she further explores where she got the idea that everyone’s children belong to everyone – beyond that antiquated notion that their parents are responsible for them.  Because her parents volunteered for a non-profit daycare center and spent time as a community basketball league coach while her third grade teacher went that extra mile for her, Ms. Harris Perry reports that they taught her about collective responsibility.  All she wants is for all kids to grow up without fear and she feels we can do that through a collective responsi...

I saw this image on Facebook this morning. This juxtaposition of maps (top of the 2012 election results vs. bottom, the slave vs. free states prior to the Civil War) implies that the people in red states voted with the collective-vestigial mind of the ante-bellum south: the idea that a vote for “not Obama” is the equivalent of thinking that blacks should still be slaves.  Perpetuating this image as a "stop and think about it" moment is not only a bit dismissive, but further, a serious slander of near half of the population of the United States. What might have been a funny quip based on image correlation is shamelessly offered as causation; this conveniently furthers the hateful narrative that people who don’t think Barack Obama is a good President are racist. I’m not racist. I’m disgusted.

What’s more threatening: Snakes on a Plane (Children, do not press the forward arrow key.) Hens on the Deck (The poop is slippery, trust me.) Or Nuns on the Bus Nuns on the Bus ? Really. This would be hilarious if it weren't so disturbing. Every hour of each day, Catholic Sisters stand in solidarity with all who live in poverty, and we confront injustice and systems that cause suffering. We cannot stand by silently when the U.S. Congress considers further enriching the wealthiest Americans at the expense of struggling, impoverished families. [emphasis added] This is too much! Look toward your churches first, Sisters! I wonder if they're going to confront injustice by chucking chalk at the pedophilic priest – or relieve the suffering they see by liquidating some church properties and distributing the tax-free windfall to those in need. And that’s the funny part! The disturbing part is that these women, who have devoted ...

Senator Sherrod Brown of Ohio was recently a guest on the Rachel Maddow Show on MSNBC. If you can convince the voters that you’re on their side it makes all the difference in the world. Political party matters less to voters; ideology matters less. Are you on our side when it comes to Wall St.? Are you on our side when it comes to drug prices? Are you on our side when it comes to trade rules, and tax laws, and all of that? As Sherrod Brown attempted to gather his tribes against the big, bad, money makers, Ms. Maddow seemed to lead the guest in talking points. More striking to me, however, was that after speaking the name of Senator Brown's opponent (who is equal to Mr. Brown in his lack of principles, I imagine) and adding a "dot com" at the end of it, in the interest of fairness,  the host then said this: Of course, he’s always welcome here as a guest on this show and then looked into the camera through her eyebrows . I think she'll give him a fair hearing...

“ What some of us want—those who aren’t blinded by a lot of bullshit persiflage thrown up to mask the idea that   rich folks want to keep their damn money —is for you to acknowledge that you couldn’t have made it in America   without  America. ” I found this statement to be the best in Stephen King’s recent diatribe . And what, pray tell, is it that Mr. King thinks makes America, America ? According to his essay he touts the equalization of income wrapped in a sash of fairness regarding income tax: rich people should pay more taxes because they are rich. This bears an eerie resemblance of “ from each according to his ability, to each according to his need ,” rather than what I understand to be essentially American: the right to one's own  life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness ; equal under the law.   I’m afraid that in addition to many f-bombs, Mr. King has dropped the context. I can't comment on the tax code itself, because ...

The turtle shirt belongs to my daughter, it’s true Wearing it, I’m told, is not what I should do. “It gives children a fright When your face they then sight, Expecting a kid but instead, seeing you.” I was just happy it was clean and it fit.

Having grown up in Salem, I was surrounded by the folklore of the Salem witchcraft trials. Say No to Drugs, but practice the Dark Arts at this school.  Witchcraft Heights Elementary School is the actual name of this school. It is where my husband, my neighbors, and many of my friends attended elementary school. (I managed to complete my elementary education under the tutelage of the Sisters of St. Chretienne  at Saint Anne's School before it closed. My husband missed that educational advantage by one year.) In addition to the crazy-ass name for an elementary school, the good folks of Salem Town seemed to go through a witch renaissance - if you will - in the sixties and seventies. One particular area of town, Witchcraft Heights, is graced with some interesting street names. I didn't grow up in Witchcraft Heights, but I did practice cheerleading at Gallows Hill Park. (Oh yeah, I was a cheerleader in middle school.)  And our high school took full advantag...

I love Gavin De Becker’s Gift of Fear . It’s not about being afraid, it’s about respecting your sense of fear and deciphering between what is real fear, which should be respected, and what is not. It’s about examining your environment, assessing different signals, and respecting the inner voice that tells you to remove yourself from the threatening situation no matter how much the second-handed voice says, don’t be a silly baby . I gave the book to my oldest daughter before college and have Protecting the Gift of Fear lost among the piles of book depositories strewn wildly throughout my house (some are more formally known as bookshelves – others, formerly known as clear horizontal surfaces).   Someday I need to find that one; it specializes in talking to kids about assessing risk without causing fear.   I could have used it on Sunday. My youngest, 13, asked to go bike riding with a friend at the cemetery at the end of our street: nice paths, almost no cars, lovely trees. ...

Not simply a hippie song (blogging trend? I hope not) but a problem along Boston’s highways according to today’s Boston Globe. The Federal Highway Administration found the problem signs during its first inspection of Massachusetts’ outdoor advertising program in more than a decade, and reported its findings last week. As part of beautification efforts that date to the 1960s, federal and state rules limit billboards and other signs along roads funded at least in part with US tax dollars . For instance, signs can’t be too close together, in order to reduce visual clutter and avoid distracting drivers. [emphasis mine] Boston Globe photo. The crime here is not attempting to sell unsuspecting motorists crappy beer, but that the owner may not have the proper permit for the sign. Boston Globe photo. This one? Too big sayeth the Feds. Boston Globe photo. Pictured is another billboard on the Herald building. Federal authorities recommended the state tell Purcell his pre...

some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them ."  - Twelfth Night , or What You Will , Act II, Scene V. In considering the different lives dogs lead, I immediately thought of this quotation, but quickly rejected it. It’s near sacrilege to apply it to dogs; greatness , as in of character , is a term which should be used only for men. It is merely the conditions under which some dogs show their mettle that was relevant to my connection. Because Shakespeare did not actually specify “men” in this memorable one-liner, I trust you will indulge my use of it here to add to, rather than counter, my point. It is the sheer differentiation between the man-chosen aspects of appearance, temperament, and behavior of purebred dogs that draws me to the dog show – these dogs are born to show their carefully bred characteristics. It is the long-term symbiotic relationship between man and dog that draws me to the species in general – we feed them, they ...

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose. An old friend of mine used to say that and laugh hysterically afterward. Sure, it’s a goofy expression, but it has a point.   We have the ability to make important choices for ourselves. We can choose our friends based on a variety of reasons, we can choose how best to live our own lives, but we really can’t choose how others should live their lives.   In friendships, if conflicting values far outweigh the shared ones, we can choose to end the friendship or, if no clean break is necessary, simply let it fade away. With family, it’s different. The same people keep coming around again making it nearly impossible to let it fade away, and a complete break with one person in a wider family is difficult to establish.   I was reminded of this problem recently. Within forty-eight hours I was an incidental party to two family rifts in two unrelated families.   While I’m one of the...