Thursday, December 16, 2010

Christmas Tree WOD

Warm-up
Scour every inch of 25 acre tree farm for the perfect tree, count RTR (rejected tree reps). Once found, take as many pictures of people you love in front of said tree. Try to exceed last year’s number.

Strength
Saw through tree trunk for time.  For added agility trial, don’t yell timber, see who gets clobbered and who can move like lightning.  Wrap and carry tree to car (men). Try to maneuver through stump-filled field without breaking ankle (women). Drag tree into house, throw in stand, screw the crap out of the four rusty stand screws into the stem for stability.

Blizzard

Wrap each child's new ornament with care and different color organza ribbon. Pull out all ornaments collected over twenty-eight years, hand-made and mass-marketed, handling all as if completely valuable. Using all your strength of character, pass out to children in equally metered fashion admiring each appropriately for time. Open new ornaments. Find schedule for tree-top angel placement within four seconds of when the bickering starts.


Cool Down
Recline on nearest soft horizontal surface and “oooh” when the lights are turned on. Listen to Lunar Rover Vehicle ornament recording and Tim Burton music over and over again.

This year, I’m proud to announce a PR in our Christmas Tree preparations. It is lovely and was completed in record time and with good cheer despite some harrowing circumstances.

Now if I could only get going with a mail merge envelope print and Holiday Newsletter WOD, we’d be all set.

2 comments:

Stephen Bourque said...

There are actually eight, not four, rusty stand screws, each of which require knuckle-busting labor because the wings are too small to provide much torque--but who's counting?

Lynne said...

We count! That's what we do.

Yes, there are eight screws, but only four of them are rusty.

Okay. I concede. I forgot there were eight. It's obvious you did all the knuckle-busting this time.