Sunday, March 28, 2010

Pants Don’t Lie

A recent tweet from a bloggy friend, reminded me of just how empowering new pants can be – given, of course, that those new pants are purchased in celebration of reaching weight-loss goals. As a measurement of “You Go Girl!” enthusiasm, there is little that beats the need- to-buy-smaller pants-metric.

But the pants-metric is a fickle friend – it’s a bitch really.  It doesn’t allow cheaters. It’s as ruthless and reality based as . . . well, reality.  Sure, you can buy a new cut of jeans that favor your best assets, but let’s face it, unless those jeans are smaller than the ones you currently own, it’s basically a cop-out – a way to infuse a jaunty new look into a tired, demoralizing wardrobe. 

Being reduced to wearing your “fat pants” is just that bad. I ought to know.  I’ve been wearing my “fat pants” since January.

I have some follow-up questions on the brutal truth of pants. 

How many pairs should I own for how many sets of circumstances?  Do I need to keep pants in stock (i.e. in drawers) that cover all the potential forms my lower half might take in the upcoming decades (insert SNL “Mom Jeans” skit here)?

As soon as I hit my goal weight (as determined by the combination of scale and need-to-buy-smaller pant-metric), should I throw out the old “fat pants” so any weight gain will be coupled with a financial disincentive?   Or, in a fit of economic conservatism, save the old “fat pants” knowing my tendency to play Chinese jump-rope with the pants-metric?

I’m not sure how to best proceed with my pants wearing, gathering, and hoarding, but I do know that pants don’t lie.


Amy said...

Two words:

Pajama Jeans

Lynne said...

Ha! Those pants not only lie, they know no bounds.

Did you post on those recently? They scare me. I'm afraid that if I ever started wearing them I'd never go back to regular pants. Then how would I know how out of shape I'd become?

Amy said...

I really want to buy some, but I just haven't worked up the courage. And I keep hoping to be pregnant so I try not to buy anything new at all. But if they look decent and are comfy, I'd wear them all the time.

Wait until you hear my attitude towards shoes in an upcoming post...

Lynne said...

I swear - the pinched nerve had nothing to do with trying to walk in stilettos. I only did the posture and foot workouts. I haven't even tried the actual walking yet!

Christina said...

I smell polyester in those pj jeans (they're supposedly "as soft as cotton"). They do look comfy, though.

Speaking of comfy (or not, as the case may be)--when do we get to see the new shoes' debut?

Lynne said...

Once I'm back in my "skinny" jeans and I master the walk. In other words, it could be a while.

Cheryl said...

Throw the fat pants out. Give them away. Get rid of them. I now have a row of size 6 that I can't get into. Motivation! I'm getting there. I think if I still had the 10's I'd eat more Lays potato chips.

Lynne said...

Thank you Obi-Wan. Unfortunately your wisdom has come too late...this time.

We should schedule a walk/run, but for heaven's sake, don't look at me! My doctor asked if I ran with anybody (implying that turning my head to speak to someone while running may have triggered the pinched nerve). I just couldn't bring myself to rat out my husband with whom I constantly plead to literally leave me alone while running. I did my best to ignore him anyway.

I think you would understand this need much better.

Cheryl said...

Oh, I do.